"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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