I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
