I got chris browned last night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
