3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
