It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
