i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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