He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
