idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
