i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
