the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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