I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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