WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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