The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
