It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
