i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am puke
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
