Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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