My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize