He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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