I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
