Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
