I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize