her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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