What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
