i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize