Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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