Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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