it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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