I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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