You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
