I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
