your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
