Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
