dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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