This girl is more easily done than said...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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