I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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