I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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