So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
