i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
