brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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