i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
