You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Alive.
So much puke
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
