I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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