Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
