my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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