So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
