It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
