A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
