I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
