So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Say something about gay babies.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
