Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am one with the molecules
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