he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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