I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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