Porn is love you can see.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
