So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
