Do you still have your period?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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