I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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