You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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