I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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