Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
