I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
