Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
