you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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