dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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