ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
