He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
whose parrot is this?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
