i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
