i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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