i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
