If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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