If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize