ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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