Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
