So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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