All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize