dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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