Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
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