Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
