Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize